


Hercules Protection Squad

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [49]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Caretaking, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 12:52:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7845808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>little lion: HERCULES!! PROTECTION!! SQUAD!! CHAT!!</p><p>johnn: oh god what happened</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hercules Protection Squad

**little lion** : HERCULES!! PROTECTION!! SQUAD!! CHAT!!  
  
 **johnn** : oh god what happened  
  
 **little lion** : we're eating breakfast and idk how I never noticed before but he has band aids all over his fingers from where he's accidentally stabbed himself with his sewing needles and he keeps almost falling asleep into his scrambled eggs and I'm worried about him  
  
 **laf** : oh my god  
  
 **laf** : my poor hercules  
  
 **little lion** : and idk what to do to make him not be so stressed   
  
**johnn** : my only advice is to have sex with him   
  
**little lion** : we'll put that as plan B  
  
 **johnn** : okay   
  
**little lion** : before I do anything else we're going home and going back to bed   
  
**laf** : good  
  
 **little lion** : I'll probably try to find out what's wrong when he's almost asleep bc that's when he tells me secrets  
  
 **laf** : ???what secrets has he told you???  
  
 **little lion** : if I tell you then they wouldn't be secrets then would they   
  
**laf** : I cannot believe you just played /that/ card  
  
 **little lion** : you love me  
  
 **laf** : I do  
  
 **little lion** : :^)))  
  
\---  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : when alex pays for your breakfast and you can't tell if this was a date or not  
  
 **little lion** : does it have to be a date in order for me to take care of you  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : no not necessarily   
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm just sayin it was a very cute and I love you   
  
**little lion** : I love you too hercules   
  
**little lion** : let's go home  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : okay  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : wait can we go to my studio for two seconds I finished our matching socks and I want them  
  
 **little lion** : sure but if you try to sew one thing I'm murdering you  
  
 **laf** : this is honestly so bizarre  
  
 **little lion** : how  
  
 **laf** : bc you work so hard and you're so bad at taking care of yourself but when it comes to hercules you're just ambulance siren noises 25/8  
  
 **little lion** : bc if I'm the one being generally unhealthy I can ignore it but if someone I love is being generally unhealthy I immediately am the Mother Husband and will take care of you until you stOP  
  
 **laf** : that is the cutest thing I have ever heard I'm going to cry  
  
 **little lion** : we're at hercules' studio I have to supervise him gotta go  
  
 **laf** : take care of him!!  
  
 **little lion** : I will!!  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : update: the socks are super cute and match my robe  
  
 **johnn** : are you wearing them??   
  
**little lion** : no I'm gonna wear my cute flower socks until we get home  
  
 **johnn** : okay first of all those are mine  
  
 **little lion** : lmao not anymore  
  
 **johnn** : ruDE AF  
  
 **little lion** : hercules is wearing socks with bees on them I really don't think I'm the one at fault here  
  
 **johnn** : you two are unbelievable   
  
**laf** : john what the fuck are you talking about your socks have little cartoon eggs on them  
  
 **little lion** : #EXPOSED AS FUCKKKK  
  
 **johnn** : IM BEING BULLIED  
  
 **laf** : I'm not even wearing socks today  
  
 **little lion** : bc you're wearing six inch heels that make you over a foot taller than me  
  
 **laf** : sorry bout it  
  
 **little lion** : you're not  
  
 **laf** : not one bit  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : FUCK  
  
 **laf** : did you get The Details  
  
 **little lion** : yeah but he wasn't even almost asleep he just told me  
  
 **laf** : is that better or worse than him telling you without realizing  
  
 **little lion** : worse bc the day hercules actively says something to worry me is the day I officially become Scared™  
  
 **laf** : fuck  
  
 **laf** : okay what did he say  
  
 **little lion** : he said how he's been getting a lot more orders than usual and he doesn't know how to really handle it and he's really scared that if he doesn't do everything at once then he'll lose everything he worked for and he's just really scared and I love him so much he should never ever feel this way fuck  
  
 **little lion** : he's currently holding me in a death grip which I love bc it makes me feel safe but like at the same time I need to get!! up!! so I can reorganize his schedule  
  
 **laf** : go to bed alexander  
  
 **little lion** : fine  
  
 **little lion** : I'm gonna set an alarm for an hour tho so I can wake up and make more food so he doesn't starve  
  
 **little lion** : then I reorganize his schedule  
  
 **laf** : I  
  
 **laf** : just,,,,be careful  
  
 **laf** : make sure you eat something while you're doing all of this  
  
 **little lion** : it's fine I have enough granola bars to last me three years  
  
 **laf** : yes I know they take up half of our limited cabinet space  
  
 **laf** : but also literally eat a real meal I swear to god  
  
 **little lion** : I wiLL  
  
 **laf** : prOMISE ME  
  
 **little lion** : I PROMISE  
  
 **laf** : GOOD   
  
**little lion** : IM GOING TO BED NOW BYE LAFAYETTE LOVE YOU  
  
 **laf** : LOVE YOU TOO  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : I only know how to make sandwiches and mac and cheese and hercules deserves better than this   
  
**johnn** : he's gonna love whatever you make him bc he loves you no matter what you do   
  
**little lion** : fuck okay false but anyway I'm making mac and cheese   
  
**little lion** : oh wait I know how to make grilled cheese  
  
 **little lion** : is that too much cheese  
  
 **johnn** : what part of "he's gonna love whatever you make him bc he loves you no matter what you do" didn't you get  
  
 **little lion** : I'll just do it and hope  
  
 **johnn** : me @everything  
  
\---  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I love alex so much  
  
 **laf** : same  
  
 **johnn** : same  
  
 **little lion** : today isn't about me   
  
**little lion** : ily2 tho   
  
**more like HUNKules** : yes but you're helping me v a lot  
  
 **little lion** : you haven't even come out of our room yet  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I don't have to to love you but I'm comin   
  
**little lion** : good bc I reorganized your schedule but there are some things without dates here that you need to see   
  
**little lion** : and then after you eat we're either bathing or cuddling to death your choice  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I   
  
**little lion** : or you can eat and then we can bathe and tHEN we could cuddle to death  
  
 **little lion** : like I said it's your choice  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : we can bathe and then cuddle to death  
  
 **little lion** : yay!!  
  
 **laf** : we'll be home in like two hours to cuddle with you so watch tf out  
  
 **little lion** : aH  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : honestly the hercules protection squad chat shoul've been a thing for years why is it only just happening now  
  
 **johnn** : bc hercules is exceptionally good and managing his feelings and none of us are  
  
 **little lion** : fuck true  
  
 **little lion** : anyway he just asked me to help him with his vows and he looked really scared I'm so upset  
  
 **laf** : wait what  
  
 **little lion** : so he was eating really quietly and I was like ??are you okay?? and he looked up at me and he was like "will you help me with my vows??" and his eyebrows were furrowed and he looked p e t r i f i e d and I was like ?yes of course?   
  
**little lion** : SO I ASKED HIM WHY  
  
 **little lion** : IDK IF Y'ALL ARE READY FOR THIS ANSWER  
  
 **johnn** : oh we're not trust us  
  
 **laf** : but also tell us bc we love dying and being dead  
  
 **little lion** : he told me that he's been drafting them for months now bc he knows that his aren't going to be as great as ours and he just wants to write what he thinks we deserve to hear but he's not good with words and I??  
  
 **little lion** : he said he's wanted to ask me since he first wrote them but he wanted them to be a total surprise so he hasn't  
  
 **laf** : I can hear john crying from a floor above me  
  
 **johnn** : I know you're crying too you're just quieter than me   
  
**laf** : fuck true  
  
 **little lion** : he's just so beautiful and amazing and I love hercules so much and why!! does!! he!! never!! tell!! us!! when!! he!! feels!! this!! way!!  
  
 **little lion** : IM BREAKING OUT THE BIG GUNS  
  
 **laf** : we had this discussion before   
  
**laf** : I don't think bubble bath that smells exactly how cotton candy dum dum pops taste should be considered """big guns"""  
  
 **little lion** : I do???  
  
 **johnn** : same?????  
  
 **laf** : whatever floats your boat I guess  
  
 **little lion** : I can't fuckign open this bottle I hate my life I gotta go find scissors byE  
  
\---  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : this bubble bath that alex uses smells exactly like cotton candy lollipops and I'm in love with it  
  
 **laf** : I know he considers it ""the big guns"" and hasn't ever used it bc he didn't think anything was important enough to  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : wait really  
  
 **little lion** : ye  
  
 **little lion** : you and your person health are v important to me so it was Time   
  
**more like HUNKules** : today is the best day of my life thank you sm  
  
 **little lion** : I'd do it again anytime  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : fuck  
  
 **little lion** : hercules is crying  
  
 **little lion** : he never cries in front of me I have to help him oh my god  
  
 **laf** : gO HELP HIM  
  
 **little lion** : OKAY BYE I LOVE YOU   
  
**laf** : oh my god  
  
\---  
  
 **johnn** : we'RE HOME  
  
 **laf** : shHHhhHhhHhhHHhHhhHh  
  
 **laf** : they fell asleep in the bath  
  
 **johnn** : the whole house smells like cotton candy now I'm personally Aroused  
  
 **laf** : I literally have nothing to say to that I hate  
  
 **johnn** : ;^)))))  
  
 **laf** : stop  
  
 **laf** : why did they lay down in the bathtub  
  
 **johnn** : ARE THEY DEAD  
  
 **laf** : NO BUT LIKE THEYRE ALMOST UNDERWATER WHAT IS THIS WHY  
  
 **laf** : LIKE THEYRE CUDDLING BUT HERCULES CANT CURL UP LIKE HE DOES BC HE CANT F I T IN THE BATHTUB LIKE A T ALL BC TOO TOL AND ALEX IS LIKE CURLED INTO HIM   
  
**johnn** : okay but you're not taking pictures why??  
  
 **laf** : FUCK TRUE  
  
 **johnn** : I'm making sandwiches bc all we have is cheese things and I think that they've had enough of that for one day  
  
 **laf** : we're eating sandwiches for dinner what is this  
  
 **johnn** : all we have rn tbh  
  
 **laf** : I  
  
\---  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : we're awake!!!  
  
 **little lion** : I look like a fucking raisin  
  
 **johnn** : me  
  
 **johnn** : I also may have just used the rest of the bread   
  
**laf** : what the fuck  
  
 **johnn** : NOT COUNTING THE ENDS THERE WERE ONLY 16 PIECES LEFT WHICH IS 8 SANDWICHES SO WE EACH GET TWO  
  
 **laf** : oh okay then that makes sense  
  
 **johnn** : THANK YOU   
  
**little lion** : we are dRESSED and ready to EAT   
  
**more like HUNKules** : are you really dressed tho  
  
 **little lion** : boxer shorts and socks count as an outfit  
  
 **laf** : no they do not   
  
**little lion** : fuckdcfkcjf fiNE I'm putting on hercules' sweatshirt  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : he looks really cute anyway I have all of our matching socks  
  
 **laf** : yES  
  
 **johnn** : wOOOO  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : okay so boxer shorts and socks aren't an outfit but jUST boxer shorts are?? excuse me??  
  
 **laf** : you locked the door what else were we supposed to do  
  
 **little lion** : oh good point  
  
 **johnn** : are you gonna eat your second sandwich  
  
 **laf** : who are you talking to  
  
 **johnn** : anyone who will listen  
  
 **laf** : I'm going to eat mine  
  
 **little lion** : rt  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : rt  
  
 **johnn** : fuck  
  
\---  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : did you guys really start a protection squad chat for me  
  
 **laf** : how do you know that  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : john just tried to bribe me into giving him my second sandwich by asking me in his notes bc his mouth is full of bread and disappointment and when he left this chat I saw it   
  
**laf** : we just want to help you   
  
**more like HUNKules** : you did I promise  
  
 **laf** : we did literally nothing this was all alex   
  
**little lion** : tbh I was in Mother Husband mode all day I'm tired  
  
 **laf** : you slept all day   
  
**little lion** : bEING THE MOTHER HUSBAND IS A LOT  
  
 **laf** : WE KNOW  
  
 **laf** : WE ARE CONSTANTLY YOUR MOTHER SPOUSES  
  
 **little lion** : HOW DO YOU DO IT  
  
 **laf** : OUR LOVE FOR YOU GIVES US THE ENERGY TO  
  
 **little lion** : ohhHHhHHHhHHHhhHHh  
  
 **little lion** : that makes sense thank you ily  
  
 **little lion** : anyway I call sleeping next to hercules again tonight  
  
 **johnn** : fuckign fine but you're giving me your pillow bc the one you and lafayette sleep on is slippery  
  
 **little lion** : the silk pillowcase is supposed to help your hair not knot together while you sleep idk laf bought it   
  
**laf** : of course I did have you seen my hair knotted  
  
 **laf** : it's a mess  
  
 **johnn** : well suck it up buttercup bc we're switching  
  
 **laf** : ughughuhghguhguhgughughguhgughughg okay  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : idk how neither of you noticed but me and alex are already in bed  
  
 **laf** : oh shit  
  
 **johnn** : fuCK

**Author's Note:**

> I cried three times while writing this please kill me


End file.
